How Counterintuitive Parenting Made Me a Better Mother

How Counterintuitive Parenting Made Me a Better Mother

I used to think good parenting meant having everything under control.

Set routines. No tantrums. Clean clothes. Healthy meals. A child who listened the first time.

But somewhere between sleepless nights, snack-time negotiations, and full-blown meltdowns in silk frocks, I realized, what I thought would make me a “good” mother was actually making me a stressed one.

So I started doing the opposite of what felt instinctive.

And to my surprise? It worked.

Here’s how going against my parenting instincts, what I now call “counterintuitive parenting”, helped me become not just a better mother, but a calmer, happier one too.

1. I Stopped Controlling and Started Connecting

My first instinct was to correct everything.

Don’t throw that! Don’t touch that! Say sorry now!

But the more I tried to “fix” things, the more my daughter resisted.

So one day, I paused. And instead of snapping, I said:

“You’re upset. Do you want a hug?”

She melted. And so did I.

💡 Lesson: When I stopped controlling and started connecting, her behaviour changed on its own. Not because I demanded it, but because she felt safe.

2. I Let Her Be Bored

My old self used to plan every hour, crafts, storytime, outings. I thought “good moms” filled every gap.

But then I noticed something. When I backed off, she became more creative.

One plain dupatta from a Girls lehenga  set became a sari, a cape, and a bedsheet for her dolls.

She didn’t need entertainment. She needed space.

✨ Boredom became a playground for her imagination.

3. I Apologised, Even When It Felt Wrong To

We’re taught that parents must “stand their ground.” That saying sorry is weakness.

But one day, after yelling over a spilled tumbler of rasam, I looked into my son’s watery eyes and whispered,

“I shouldn’t have shouted. I’m sorry.”

He hugged me tightly and said,

“It’s okay Amma. I still love you.”

That moment taught me this: apologising isn’t weakness. It's a connection.

4. I Prioritised My Wellbeing, Without Guilt

Once, I skipped lunch to make organic dosas for her snack box. Then she said she didn’t want it and I cried in the kitchen.

That’s when I realised: if I don’t take care of myself, everything falls apart.

Now I rest without guilt. I eat first. I dress up, sometimes just for me.

Because a well-fed, emotionally okay mother = a better parent.

5. I Gave Up the “Perfect Parent” Act

I stopped pretending I had it all together.

Now, when I’m tired, I say it. When I don’t know what to do, I admit it.

And in that honesty, my child is learning that emotions are normal. That trying matters more than pretending. That love isn’t flawless, it’s real.

A Real Moment That Changed Everything

Last week, my daughter spilled turmeric all over her new pattu frock from Nesavu  . My heart dropped, but I said, “It’s okay, clothes can be washed. Are you okay?”

She looked up and smiled:

“You didn’t get mad! I thought you would.”

And in that moment, I realised, I was parenting from love, not fear.

That’s what she’ll remember. Not the stain.

Parenting isn’t a science. It’s a relationship.

And sometimes, the best things happen when you do the opposite of what the world expects.

So here’s my truth:
Letting go made me stronger.
Slowing down made me better.
And choosing love over control? That changed everything.

💛 Dress your little one in something they can truly be themselves in.
✨ Explore  The Nesavu handcrafted, joy-filled kidswear, made for messes, twirls, and memories that matter.